Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA. WHOA. McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin for his vice-presidential running mate has thrown me for a loop. And that says a lot, considering these are Republicans we are talking about. I thought I had seen it all when Bush was reelected.

Let me see if I can get this straight.

She was mayor of a town with a population similar to that of a community college.

She was governor for less than two years of East Jesus, Nowhere. 

She lists among her achievements high school athletic contests, beauty pageants, PTA leadership, and not aborting a baby with Down Syndrome.

She supports the rape of her state’s natural resources for the procurement of oil. And speaking of rape, she is staunchly against abortion, no matter what the circumstances.

She minored in political science at the University of Idaho. Idaho! 

That kind of information is surely already old gossip in their small Arctic hometown. What’s wrong with McCain that he didn’t figure it out? And what’s wrong with McCain if he did, but, as he claims, doesn’t see it as an issue? Wouldn’t you think that would put off the Evangelical base to which he’s hoping to pander, lest they should be complete and utter hypocrites?

How strong-arming your daughter into a harpoon wedding to her small-town hockey-star high school-dropout boyfriend and ruining three lives (four, if you include Sarah Palin, who will undoubtedly need to mother her child’s child) (or five lives, if you include mine) is better than teaching high school students how to put a condom on a banana, I will never understand.

I truly cannot imagine what will come of her speech tonight at the Republican National Convention. You know, Rob thinks we shouldn’t send out holiday greeting cards with our photo on it because it just gives people fodder to make fun of us. I have a feeling the same goes for Palin when it comes to public speaking.