25 Things About Me
There’s a new spam message going around Facebook … you are supposed to write 25 random, interesting, or otherwise list-worthy facts about yourself, post them, and then tag 25 friends so they can read it and write their own 25 things.
It’s like a chain letter for grown-ups. Actually, not for grown-ups. Facebook is for kids. Damn.
At any rate, writing 25 things about yourself naturally appeals to your vanity, so of course I took on the challenge. Far be it for me to break the chain …
And so, without further ado, may I present,
25 Things About Myself
recycled from Facebook for appropriation on Vanity Fairest
(apologies in advance for using a Facebook novelty as a confessional/source of therapy)
1. I practice yoga almost every day, and I swear you can tell a difference in me on days that I don’t.
2. I was a gymnast growing up and it did a number on my long-term mental and physical well-being. Do your kids a favor and don’t let them be involved in a competitive activity in which performance is done exclusively in spandex and is based largely on your natural size and shape during the most awkward years of your life. And makes them cry every weekend. And effs up their lower back for life.
3. I am an ovo-lacto-pesco-baco-tarian. Meaning I’m kind of a vegetarian, but I will eat dairy and fish and (sometimes) eggs and (always) bacon. I order chopped salads with no chicken and always have to emphasize that I DO want the bacon. It will be a sad day when bacon starts to gross me out, too.
4. I own and operate a successful business and enjoy a good laugh when people assume that without Rob I would be living below the poverty line.
5. I LOVE food, but I also abuse it. I don’t smoke or drink, but I do eat my feelings –- every last one of them. I must have a magic metabolism, because truly, it is a wonder I am not obese.
6. I think I am an AWESOME driver and get really mad when people try to tell me I’m not.
7. I think dessert is a complete waste if there is not chocolate involved.
8. I am a horrible pain-in-the-ass traveler, but I’m good once I get to where I’m going. Especially if I can shop, eat, and people-watch. I don’t understand why people travel halfway around the world just to spend the day in a museum.
9. Arguing for me is like picking a scab. I know it’s bad for me and I won’t like the outcome anyway, but I just can’t help myself.
10. Writing is the one thing I love to do that I think I am actually good at.
11. I sometimes surprise myself at how forgiving I can be. The exception is if you have hurt my feelings, in which case I hold a grudge forever. I wish I wasn’t that way, but I can’t help it. The good news is that I have a pretty bad memory.
12. I spend most of my time trying to make it look like I have everything together, but I’m always flabbergasted when someone actually believes it.
13. I was miserable in college and hated it in almost every way. Today, I hate knowing that I really, really missed out.
14. I am fiercely protective of my friends and would quite literally do almost anything if it meant helping them, particularly during a time of need. This is one of the best and worst things about me.
15. I am an atheist.
16. I hate few things more than ignorance in a person that really and truly has the resources to know better.
17. If nothing else, I am incredibly efficient, but only because I am really, really, insanely, absurdly lazy.
18. I am not a girly girl. I wonder how different my life would have been if we revered funny/smart girls the way we do pretty girly girls. I adore Tina Fey for pulling off smart AND pretty.
19. I really think I could lead a happy and fulfilled life having two dogs and no children. I actually fantasize about how awesome that life would be, mostly because I realize it is really unlikely to actually happen.
20. Number 19 notwithstanding, I think I will enjoy being a mom, and that I’ll be pretty good at it. However, I am basing this solely on my experience with Molly as a puppy, and we all know how great she turned out.
21. I don’t have any anxiety about turning 30. In fact, I’m looking forward to it. Thirty is the new 21. I know who I am now, and I am happier with each year that goes by. Bring it on, 30!
22. I love entertaining and taking care of people, but I am terrible at relaxing and “enjoying” myself. I am a party thrower, not a party goer.
23. I am far more likely to cry for joy or beauty or sentimentality than I am for sadness.
24. I firmly believe that my own (and most people’s) problems can be solved with Cesar Milan’s formula for a healthy, balanced dog: Exercise, discipline, then affection.
25. I still don’t believe that I met Rob in college, or that I am actually married to my best friend. Or that I have a great job, a beautiful home, and a psychotic dog that makes me laugh. And amazing friends who love me. I can’t believe, after so many years of jealousy and resentment and pessimism about how things “really are” and would turn out in my life, I am “that girl.” My life is so perfect it’s stupid. I can’t figure out how I got so lucky.
